When something emotional happens, especially if that’s deep into the night, writing helps me to get calmer.
However, writing has its own downsides. One of which, most times it’s a complex brain activity that may scare the sleep away. And sleep is fragile, it must be respected and treated with care.
I have a huge story brewing, about my failed attempt to get hired into a local department of an international corporation, Nestlé. Today I got a decline with their detailed feedback, and it got me thinking whether the detailed feedback for a candidate you literally fuck-off-ed during all the previous stages of the process, whether it demonstrates … incompetence? The company wastes money on investing into a candidate they failed to engage, and failed very badly, to put it mildly. The only sane part of my reply is this phrase:
I truly appreciate the feedback you’ve shared, though it would have been even more valuable earlier in the process, when it mattered.
I’m shocked to realise that detailed feedback, considering how fucked-up all the previous stages were, is a sign of even more serious incompetence, than just ghosting me, as I expected. At least, with ghosting they don’t lose resources.
The very fact the guy didn’t find 15 minutes to actually talk to the candidate, instead of losing his half an hour (if not longer) to write the whole piece … also, tells volumes.
I have my motivation to cover that story in great details, to get it off my head, as this story is finished now. Yet, the experience tells me I shouldn’t follow that impulse. It would suck me into a very long — hours long — writing session. I would have my illusion that my thoughts flow freely and easily, yet it’s not true. I’d battle with slumber, trying to focus on the topic, and my thoughts would jump in and out. The result would be just weak, if not mediocre. There might be some value in having those raw thoughts exposed or for oneself (that’s what this blog is about, by the way). But if I want to tell a well-written story for others, it’s a labour. It’s difficult to achieve in one jump, if possible. As a bonus, tomorrow’s would be ruined by the sleepless night.
It’s not always the case. I did write something, and it helped. But I wrote a different thing for a different blog. They are my raw thoughts. I’m not going to edit them, I’m not going to rewrite them into something better, I’m not making an attempt at making a story here. Well, not intentionally. Even if I managed to create some story right now, it’s short and not that worked through, as I’m going to achieve there.
My primary thought was about being able to just letting things go and sleeping, instead of doing anything. Writing this very piece from my iPhone, swiping my fingers over my virtual keyboard, oftentimes rewriting wrong words, took me half an hour. No way the story I’m going to cover is getting me less than five. I expect it to take days, with proper breaks and thinking things through.
So just getting to sleep looks like a nice achievement. An aim worth having.
I bet it would take years of practicing meditation. But at least, I had started this journey.