Since my very early days of a junior school boy, I remember me reading some shitty detective books for children, and realising that it’s so easy I could write one. I started writing my own book with notebook and a pen, and I wrote a lot. Maybe ten or even twenty pages. Ultimately, I faced a challenge I could not overcome: I had nothing to tell. I realised that even if the authors were doing a low-effort mediocre writing, still they managed to keep it engaging for a kid, I loved these stories. I was writing engagedly too, yet I couldn’t build the story and its characters. It didn’t occurred to me that I could simply write about my life and people around me. That way I did not do to invent anything.
My second attempt at blogging was about a decade later, when I was a teenager. I was pretty successful and popular, considering my nobody status. Writing was always super-easy to me. That time I was mostly writing about me, myself, and I. And their life.
I gave up on writing once I faced some hints of popularity. I didn’t want to be popular. Yet, I was inevitably popular among some audience. Even when I was among the design community, I was popular. I didn’t enjoy the fact that there were people who knew me, yet I did not know them at all.
That’s my third attempt at blogging. This time, I’m at this point in life when I don’t really care whether I’m popular or not. I’m doing it for myself (once again), yet still there’s thins tiny little magic when you write for someone in your mind. Weirdly, I developed some kind of a virtual friend who reads me, and for whom I do write. That person does not exist, and they’re rather a collection of some different people, all in one. It’s weird, because I do not imagine anyone particular whom I write these things for. It’s rather just someone. A someone, not the someone.
I enjoy this kind of writing, for many various reasons. Primarily for this effect when things leave my head, and I stop thinking them. Also, for this opportunity to link various other thoughts of mine (or my other writings).
I created a number of topic-defined blogs, so there’s not one blog of mine, but many. I diversified them so vastly that I believe there won’t be a single person who’ll read all of them. Even myself, I don’t really re-read all of my blogs all the time. There are those I revisit frequently, yet there are those I don’t revisit at all. Or once a month, maybe.
I enjoy these blogs, the more obscure they feel they are, the better. This one, thoughts, I’d love it to be very obscure and not something someone consider as a real blog. It’s not a blog, it’s a stream of consciousness. There are thoughts that I want to capture, and probably not come back to them at all. Or not often. I allow others to read them, but I don’t expect others to read them, nor do I want them to read these thoughts. I rather spare them of my thoughts in other blogs.
Hence, there are blogs I expect others to read, and I want others to read, and I make them more reader-friendly. They look better. (Arguably, I know.) And I put more effort into each and every post. I believe that may worsen the things, actually. As I tend to rewrite things, in my attempts to make them better. I’m trying to make that blog evergreen, but I don’t believe in evergreen topics. Things constantly change, and if there’s a wisdom, I believe it’s rather in this. All these writings, they’re a mental photograph, a point in time, a motion captured into static form. There’s no perfect ideal evergreen photograph. Nor there’s need for it. Same logic applies to written things. No need to make them ideal and perfect.
However, when there’s extra effort, things change. For most topics, I want to write them down, and go on with my life. It’s almost possible. I did a pretty good job at automating things.
And as a bonus and not planned thing, I bought this Bluetooth keyboard for iPhone, and returned to this ‘typing machine’ quest. It’s actually super good, and unexpected, to write with a Bluetooth keyboard once again. I forgot my Apple Wireless Keyboard at my cousin’s place, 8 years ago. And I spent them typing on laptops, since I didn’t want to buy another Apple Wireless Keyboard (purely for not willing to have two of them, but also because they’re pretty expensive, huh). This keyboard is Chinese, and I bought it for £3, which is peanuts. It’s junk, but considering the price, it’s good (mostly because Apple has superb support for wireless keyboards). Well, it’s usable, and it’s better than having to type my thoughts on a screen. Especially late at night, when my family members are asleep.
Yet, even when things are automated and the friction is minimal, it takes a tremendous mental effort to actually write things, especially if the goal is to make them short (I’m giving up at this goal) and well-written (this one is my top priority). And regular. I’m having no issues with regularity, but since this blogging thing isn’t my job, and I don’t really want it to be (more on that some other time), I make my attempts at writing when I want to write. And since I want to write pretty often, I have zero issues with perpetual blogging. I don’t believe I’ll ever have no topics to write about.
Perhaps, I could be a journalist. In some other life. Or a writer. Or a psychotherapist, you know.
My problem is the opposite: there are too many things I want to write about. And I cannot make it super-quickly. It takes time, even when most of my writings are good from the very first attempt and need no rewrites, it still takes time to formulate things properly. It’s a blessing I can type super quickly.
I issued many blogs as an attempt to commit to these various big topics. E.g. war, I have very little resources to write constantly. The war is still here, it’s happening. Yet, I’m having too little resources to cover it properly. I have my new parenting blog, yet it’s all the same. Parenting is happening in my life, and I’m hopefully getting more skilled and experienced as a parent, yet I’m having very little resources to write about it.
I issued a separate identity blog of mine, as Walter. There I write about all things computers. I’m a bit terrified to realise that most of my writings and things I might be really interested in are computers and their operating systems. And their software too. It’s not who I am, not only that at least. Yet, that appears to be a pretty huge blog. Bigger than my primary one!
I have some other big blogs planned, at least one for design. And more likely one for 3D and motion design. And more likely one programming-only. Each one of those is too much for a single individual, but it doesn’t feel like it’s too much for me. I can be pretty productive covering various interests of mine, professional and not.
Yet, there’s this realisation that it’s a very long road to take.
Also, my recently-invented personal to-do system is also blogging. I write down things I do, might do, and done. When things are done, they have their option to be published for general public. Actually, I aim at that, that most of my projects, things I do, were published for everyone. I spent the weekend writing about playing WarCraft III: The Frozen Throne on Linux with Sway WM, using wine, and a set of my own home-brew scripts. And it felt like a bigger job than actually inventing all those things I wrote about. However, it was rewarding. I felt the topic is covered much better, and I learned some extra things upon doing this summary of what I did. It feels that good with almost every thing I write about: I start understanding it better than before I did the write-up. I guess it might be not a universal thing that works for everyone, but at least it works for me. And I believe it might work for most people. At least for those who’re a fast typer like me.
A friend of mine developed some sophisticated system when he records an audio-memo and some local LLM makes a text out of it. Sounds super-dope to me, but there are so many moments when I’m too tired to speak, but writing isn’t something that tires me too much. It consumes my energy indeed, yet in some different way. I don’t mean audio format isn’t my cup of tea, actually it very much is, otherwise I won’t come up with this monoolooog idea. It’s rather that the text is its separate form that brings a lot of value.
I’m willing to sleep, so I’ll finish this thought now. I’m feeling unable to write about many things I chose to write about. Maybe, it’s a good thing, and helps me prioritise. And, not that I ought to write to each and every one of my blogs regularly. Their point isn’t to be written daily to, but rather create a space I’d like to put my thoughts to.
Good night (to me).