Morning
Today’s morning, we went with Nadia, just the two of us, Hnat was home, watching Cars 3.
They both like differnet movies, and there’s very little number of them that overlap. So Solomia gave him the one he likes and Nadia not.
Sunday night, Nadia was hysterical, and I tried to calm her down by taking her on my arms.
She’s so heavy, heavy, heavy in my arms.
She was a bit heavy, but not too much. I’ve tried to carry her as I did when she was little, it took her a very long time to get asleep, usually hours. I had these flashbacks, I’ve been singing her our lullaby I partly invented, due to my lack of memory for the original part, inspired by the song of Castamere.
Unfortunately, I injured my lowerback muscles, and while the day after the event wasn’t harsh, yesterday was very difficult. I could barely move.
This morning, it was super painful to move, to walk, and I realised we walked the entire way in silence. I’m not too talkative with the kids, especially on our commutes to and from their Kindergarten. I know it’s bad, but most times, I simply don’t know what to talk about. Hnat is on his balance bike or scooter. Nadia, however, walks with me.
I don’t know what could I talk with her about. I see all these talks-with-kids style of communication useless. The kids aren’t stupid. Yet, again, I don’t know what to talk about.
It’s not any problem with them, it’s rather me. And, as an extra step, Nadia appears to be not understanding, even despite she clearly understands us to some degree. The lack of communication makes it feel like a useless talk. I could talk to myself instead, it feels the same. I expect a kid to ask questions, otherwise, honestly, I have no idea what to talk about.
And today, I felt that guilt emotion, again. We were walking for like 20 minutes, in silence. Today I couldn’t talk. I was barely able to move my legs, so intense pain I have. I’m unable to keep my posture, so bad it is.
I don’t think it’s some serious trauma, it’s rather me being weak and exhausted.
Afternoon
Hnat was mostly okay, we walked together to take Nadia home. Hnat was on his balance bike. Just an hour before, he had 37.6 ºC temps, and right after I gave him this Nurofen Forte, he started crushing the apartment with this all of the sudden excess of energy. Solomia offered me to take him with me, which I did.
Together with Nadia, we went to swings, for half an hour. Then, we accompanied her to her speech therapy, and spend the next 45 minutes playing in our playground.
Hnat was playing, mostly on his own. I was watching my smartphone, I was exploring my new bits project.
Now, merged with this site.
We returned back home, lunched, and half an hour later, Nadia & Solomia went to another speech therapy session, the one they need to go for an hour by public transport. The first one was in our apartments complex.
I tried to lull the kids to sleep, yet I was so exhausted, I couldn’t. They were super active, as when they’re too tired to sleep, and they’re super active instead.
We stayed with Hnat. I was exhausted and tried to lull him, and failed again. I turned off for 15 or 20 minutes, and woke up when Hnat was shaking me and saying something akin ‘are you sleeping, dad?’ to which I offered him to lay with me and sleep too. He declined. I saw him being too tired too, yet I wasn’t in resources to assist him to sleep against his will, as it takes me too much energy I hadn’t.
Evening
The evening, kids were watching TV, and we watched an episode of Dark.
Hnat fell asleep while I was brushing my teeth. From the moment I left till I returned, a couple of minutes passed. He was overly tired. Yet, I couldn’t do much about it. Lulling them takes too much resources. And we’re constantly exhausted.
Tomorrow mormor would get Nadia, and Hnat would stay at home the rest of the week, more likely till Monday.