When I asked Walton what his favorite mindset intervention was, he immediately pointed to one that he conducted on a group of freshmen at an Ivy League school.
In this study, Walton delivered a simple message: If you feel like you don’t belong, you aren’t alone. Most people feel that way in a new environment. Over time, this will change.
Walton selected social belonging as his focus because he knew that the sense of not belonging — at school, at a workplace, or in any community that matters to you — is widespread. However, few people express it openly. Most people think they are the only ones who feel like they don’t fit in. Feeling like you don’t belong can change how you interpret everything you experience. Conversations, setbacks, misunderstandings — almost anything can be viewed as evidence that, in fact, you don’t belong. The belief that you don’t belong also feeds into many destructive states of mind, from impostor syndrome (I’m a fraud, and everyone will find out) to stereotype threat (Everyone expects to me to fail) and self-handicapping (Why bother trying?).
These states of mind can lead to self-destructive behaviors like avoiding challenges, hiding your problems, ignoring feedback, and not forming supportive relationships. Such behaviors, in turn, increase the risk of failure and isolation, which are taken as proof that you didn’t belong after all.
— The Upside of Stress (Kelly McGonigal), Loc. 566–77