First love fixes a life for ever: this much I have discovered over the years. It may not outrank subsequent loves, but they will always be affected by its existence. It may serve as model, or as counterexample. It may overshadow subsequent loves; on the other hand, it can make them easier, better. Though sometimes, first love cauterizes the heart, and all any searcher will find thereafter is scar tissue.
— The Only Story (Julian Barnes), Loc. 1043–6
Oct 19, 2026 comment:
I myself have struggles on defining the first love. If I think about it, it’s three people, if not four.
- The random nearby girl when I was a kid.
- The other random nearby girl when I was a slightly older kid.
- The girl I was crazy about when I was in my late teens.
- The girl I deeply loved in my early twenties.
Also, I have other women I deeply loved later in life, but when I cannot compare them, loves, properly… I can confidently say they’re not first loves anyway.
If I don’t think about it and have to say a name, it would be the 4th girl. She’s not really first love, but she’s first love. All the previous ones were rather a mere affections, with me not truly knowing the person.